Picked Up: The Things We Think (and probably Feel) but Do Not Say

Image result for ash wednesdayI have decided that since I’ve asked the question about what has been picked up in the heart – I should share what is going on in  mine since asking the question in the first place.  It has been an interesting couple of weeks! I think I am fairly self-aware to the externals (reactions to situations, how I communicate with people) but I have realized that I don’t always give enough time or thought to what is going on with my internals.

Anyway – here is the first of many of the ‘pick-ups’…

The Things We Think (and probably feel) but Do Not Say

If you know your Tom Cruise movies you may have picked up that the title is from the film ‘Jerry Maguire’; this was the title (except for the brackets) of Jerry’s manifesto that ultimately led to his undoing and re-doing. This also happens to be one of my favourite films and got a re-watch this week.

I have been thinking a lot about ‘the things we think and do not say’ for both Ash Wednesday as I explored the condition of the heart as well as for Valentine’s Day – another opportunity to do the same.

We all have things we think and probably feel but do not say. But what about the person that misses out on what we do not say? It is fairly obvious that we often reflect more on ourselves and the consequences for us if we say or don’t say what we think or feel. Do we ever think about the consequences for the other person with any objectivity at all?

I have very recently been on the receiving end of what was felt and not said. An old friend from High School made contact via Messenger. This is someone I haven’t seen or talked to for over 20 years. Life is difficult for him at the moment for a variety of reasons and he finds my path to the Priesthood rather intriguing. He thought I would have ended up a politician! Soon into the conversation he told me that he ‘kinda had a crush on me in school’. In looking back now, I did at the time think he did at a couple of points. But neither of us did anything about it.

Later in this exchange he said that he wished he could have told me then how he felt ‘but oh well’.

Oh wow. I wish he had told me. I have no idea how I would have reacted then. 25 years is a long time ago. Who knows what would have happened?! Chasing this rabbit has been fun/interesting/hard on the heart these last couple of days. If nothing else – I would have finished High School knowing that someone had a crush on me at some point. As far as I know – no one else did. I am not going to speculate on what this knowledge may or may not have done for me. Then or now.

It has made me think more about the things we think (and probably feel) and do not say. Maybe it is time to say more?

Author: Sue Lepp

Newly appointed Priest-in-Charge of the Hambleden Valley Group of Churches and will start later in January 2021. Time for a new start at the beginning of a new year. I served my curacy in the Parish of Langley Marish and trained at Wycliffe Hall, Oxford. Former Nurse in both Canada and the UK. Specialised in Palliative Care, Gynaecology-Oncology and a bit of Orthopaedics (just to keep me travelling). Worked as a MacMillan Nurse Specialist in a few specialities in London.

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